ROLAND WHITE on Love Island returning after Covid hiatus06/29/2021
Glossy, gleaming… and that’s just the Love Island men: ROLAND WHITE reviews the reality show as it returns after Covid hiatus
- Latest Love Island news and updates from the Series 7 contestants right here
It was confirmed beyond doubt last night that not everybody has let themselves go during lockdown.
Could those stomachs have been any flatter? Get a load of that flawless skin, gleaming white teeth, and glossy hair.
To be fair, the women looked pretty good too.
Yes, Love Island (ITV2) is back – the closest that most of us will get this summer to a holiday in Spain.
The 2020 series was cancelled because of the pandemic, but now the familiar villa in Mallorca is back in all its shiny glory. And goodness it’s shiny.
After a makeover, the decor is so bright that it’s a surprise the contestants weren’t wearing sunglasses inside.
For some reason, there are pictures of fruit above the beds. The underlying message is clear – get fruity or get out.
To ram that message home, there are rabbit sculptures dotted about the place You know what rabbits are famous for, don’t you? No pressure, boys and girls.
Yes, Love Island (ITV2) is back – the closest that most of us will get this summer to a holiday in Spain. Pictured: Jake Cornish and Liberty Poole
This year’s contestants all have the traditional Love Island look. The girls have the same long, flowing hair. The boys have highly-chiselled bodies, which look as if they’re going to a fancy dress party as Ronaldo
Semi-pro footballer Toby (above) then muscled in on Faye before he in turn was ousted by labourer Brad
This seventh series has been billed in advance as the most middle class ever on the grounds that it features a civil servant, an estate agent, a marketing executive, a water engineer and a private school teacher.
They have all spent two weeks of quarantine in what was described on the show as a ‘sanitised sex bubble’ – which sounds like something unpleasant involving Matt Hancock.
This year’s contestants all have the traditional Love Island look. The girls have the same long, flowing hair.
The boys have highly-chiselled bodies, which look as if they’re going to a fancy dress party as Ronaldo.
The first episode is all about the awkward pairing-up – and very awkward it proved. Water engineer Jake was the first boy to face the line-up of ladies… ‘I have a lot of love to give,’ he said.
Unfortunately, the ladies seemed somewhat reluctant to receive.
‘If you fancy Jake, please step forward,’ said hostess Laura Whitmore. Nobody moved.
New mum: Laura welcomed a daughter in April with husband Iain Stirling, and looked beautiful when she kicked off the seventh season of the hit reality show in Mallorca this week
There was the sort of pause with which Chris Tarrant slows down time in Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? before waitress Liberty did the decent thing.
Hugo, a PE teacher, got the same treatment. In fact, nobody stepped forward. Perhaps they heard Hugo boasting that he boots women out of bed after one-night stands.
He eventually chose Faye, who had revealed modestly that she was “great in bed”.
Semi-pro footballer Toby then muscled in on Faye before he in turn was ousted by labourer Brad.
If you wish to follow the show properly, you might care to take notes. Toby had impressed the girls by claiming: “I have never had a relationship”
A footballer? Never had a relationship? Never mind Love Island, he ought to be on display somewhere.
My early tip was Aaron and Shannon, who looked as if they might be the nice guys of the show.
Particularly Aaron, who works in VIP events and who is relaxed and modest. ‘I’ve never cheated,’ he said.
‘I love a cuddle. I’m a softie. I’m looking for something serious.’
My early tip was Aaron and Shannon (pictured together above), who looked as if they might be the nice guys of the show
Yet at the first opportunity Shannon revealed that he just wasn’t her type.
Jake and Liberty could also be doomed. By the end of the episode, Jake seemed to have lost interest.
It would be cynical to observe that you don’t really come to Love Island in search of The One.
You come to Love Island in the hope of building a brand for your fashion line or getting more followers on your Instagram account.
Yet sometimes true love is a happy by-product.
The winners of the 2020 winter version, Paige Turley and Finn Tapp, are still together. And this year? Place your bets. But probably not on Aaron and Shannon.
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