Here’s what to do if your boyfriend is a bad kisser

Here’s what to do if your boyfriend is a bad kisser

10/08/2020

If it hasn’t happened, you’re lucky. For the rest of us, it’s nothing new: He’s handsome, he’s charming, he’s the perfect date and now he’s leaning in for that highly-anticipated first kiss. Your heart’s racing. Your heart drops. The kiss… was not good. Or just okay. Or just atrocious.

You tell yourself you’ll give it time. You’re patient. You wait. And now, here you are — smitten, in love even, but still on the receiving end of a mouth that just doesn’t deliver. There’s a lot going through your mind, and that’s okay. Don’t panic. Let’s take this crisis step by step, with tips from the experts, to turn that frog back into a prince.

First thing’s first: If you’re wondering, “is it me?” don’t get ahead of yourself. Honesty is not the best policy here, according to YourTango. Telling your man that his kisses are a turn-off too soon could easily backfire. He might blame himself, he could get defensive, or this might turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The less said, the better.

Instead, demonstrate with your actions. “Show him the way,” sex coach Amy Levine advises in Glamour. Take it upon yourself to establish the rhythm. Or just tell him you want to start slow, and go from there. Is he hesitant? Dispassionate? Again, it’s all you. Lead by example. 

Does a bad kisser even exist?

When it comes to stating your needs, positive reinforcement can work best. It’s completely okay to say, “I want you to kiss me like this,” and then show the man how it’s done. Don’t give up, and be sure to reward his attempts — generously. It’ll mean better kisses for you in the future.

Keep in mind, though, that the impact of your partner’s kisses aren’t solely reliant on ability. There’s a mental component, too. “The essence of the art of kissing stems from your loving attitude.” Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D.writes for Psychology Today. “Technique can help in the short term, but technique cannot fake love, at least not in the long term.”

The more you get to know a person, and like that person, the more their proximity — their nearness, their touch, their mouth against yours — is going to affect you. Thus, part of what makes a good kisser is completely abstract. And a bad kisser according to one person may, in fact, be the best ever for someone else. It’s complicated!

Ultimately, the thing that’s standing between you and true love is probably not a bad kiss. The kisses can improve, the feeling might not. If it doesn’t, be honest with yourself: was it really ever about the kissing?

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