Hi Hello, Your Sex Horoscope for the Weekend

Hi Hello, Your Sex Horoscope for the Weekend


What’s happening: K so, there is a TON of cosmic action going down in the sign of Aquarius right now, y’all. That means if you’re an Aquarius, Taurus, Leo, or Scorpio, this is going to be a busy, busy, busy, busy time! And this weekend? It’s rough.

On Saturday, lovey Venus bumps into Saturn, the planet of restrictions. At the same time, Venus squares off with Uranus, the planet of disruption and surprises. The week is looking nicer: A rare cazimi Mercury on Monday is your one-day “get out of jail free” card for Mercury Retrograde, perfect for asking someone out, starting “The Talk,” or sending any major messages. Then, Mercury Retrograde squares off with Mars, the planet of action, on Wednesday, making you feel way confident…maybe too confident. Finally, one of the best transits of the year for love, Venus conjunct Jupiter, happens on Thursday. You’ve just gotta make it through the rest of the week first!

What that means for you:


FWBs or flirtationships are a ton of fun this weekend, but if you’re looking for something more serious, you’re sh*t out of luck. If you think you and a friend (or your latest Tinder crush) are ~meant to be~… just don’t. Not right now. If you’re boo’d up, Monday and Wednesday’s vibe is ahhhhh-mazing for focusing on LTRs, and whether you’re single or coupled up, you might be thinking of taking your ‘ship to the next. Hold up—Mercury Retrograde has a couple weeks left, and you don’t want to risk starting any major new projects ‘til it’s over.


This is an action-packed week for you, Taurus! This weekend, you’re feeling especially lonely (if you’re single), scared you’ve been ghosted (if you’re dating around), or just neglected by your boo, and it sucks. JSYK, it’s not a “you” thing, it’s most likely a “them” thing. Hopefully Monday’s cazimi Mercury kicks in and starts sending you hella good vibes, bc if things don’t get cleared up soon, you risk getting really, really pissed off. What’s going on, Taurus? You’re known for your patience and ability to play the long game, especially with relationships, so try to make it through the week without any drama!


All of the Aquarian energy in the stars right now is urging you to spice up your love life by trying something, anything new! Here’s the thing, though—you’re feeling a lil less confident than usual, so shooting your shot just ain’t easy. What’s worse, whatever you try for may not play out in the way you want it to. Maybe that super kinky thing that you thought you’d love ends up being a total bust—so what? You’re still growing and learning. Take it easy this week, be flexible, and try to have fun!


Your chart’s zone of intimacy is being blown up by this astro-weather. This weekend, you’re struggling to feel like you and your boo are connecting. You’re an emotional water sign who relies on having these deep connections, so this can be scary! The cosmic action going down rn suggests that because you’re not feeling a connection, you’re more likely to find a side piece or even cheat on your boo with someone who, in the moment, feels more exciting—maybe your ex! Pro tip: That’s not cool, and you’ll likely end up really, really regretting it. So resist!!!

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When there’s any cosmic action going down in your opposite sign (that’s Aquarius), it directly impacts your relationship. This week, every transit activates Aquarius, so expect major moves in your love life. Saturday’s energy can be really tough, but only because you’re being pushed to take your relationships more seriously. If something’s not working in your love life, it’ll be made very clear this weekend. Think hard—why are these issues popping up? What can you do to change things? If the answer is “break up,” that’s okay! Think long-term, Leo. Understand that hard work now can lead to the love life of your dreams in the future.


I have good news and bad news, Virgo. Here’s the bad news: your job is taking over your entire life right now. But the good news is that all of the astro-weather that’s making your work life chaotic is leaving your love life alone! If you happen to have a crush on a co-worker, you can make a move on ‘em, but if you’re asking them out with a future LTR in mind, I advise you to wait ‘til Mercury Retrograde is over. Otherwise, lie low and avoid the drama!


The part of your chart that governs romance, sex, and fun is getting lit TF up this week! If you’re boo’d up, you can expect some (surprisingly!) kickass sex. If you’re single and ready to mingle, flirting is especially fun. Just don’t play too many games. You’re able to have fun with all your new Tinder matches, but (there’s always a but…) catching feelings for your fling is pretty likely, since your chart’s intimacy zone is also being activated this week!


You’re feeling supes introverted rn, so any action you get this week is p much guaranteed to happen during a Netflix and chill sesh with your boo. You’re also feeling even moodier than usual, and all of your heightened emotions might get out of control. Disagreements—even minor ones—can easily snowball way out of proportion. Sure, you can be an emo mess, but try to channel those feels in a positive way. You have a ton of love to give, so share it by surprising your boo with something nice, or by having a blazing hot time in bed with them. Channel those emotions and you can have a seriously passionate time!


There’s never not going to be a billion notifications on your phone, Sagittarius. Whether it’s business emails, your group chat blowing up, or just hella hotties sliding into your DMs, this is a pretty busy time for you! Your chart’s communications zone is getting lit up right now. Getting lucky isn’t too likely, but meeting your next crush/FWB/boo can totally happen. It’s also way more exciting to sext, send risqué snaps, try phone sex, or throw in some extra dirty talk with boo. This week you can have a lot of fun, so enjoy it!


You’re feeling a little down this week, Cap, and your libido and confidence are flopping, too. It’s easy to sink deeper and deeper into your feels, but lemme tell you something—your sign is the boss ass bitch of the zodiac. If you’ve been waiting for something good to ~magically~ happen to your love life, a little initiative goes a long way this week. Shoot your shot, and you can start creating amazing, constructive changes to your love life.


Since there are about eighty billion planets in your sign right now, this week is gonna be busy, maybe even hectic. This weekend kills your libido and makes it very easy to feel ignored or unseen, so don’t expect any action. However, this week (especially Thursday!) is pretty GD exciting. Monday and Wednesday are perf for shooting your shot (just don’t press the issue too hard unless you want to come off as extra), and Thursday’s astro-weather is an objectively great time for growth in your love life. What changes do you want to make? Who do you want to be with? Figure it out, and start making moves!


Whenever there’s planetary action going down in Aquarius, it activates your chart’s zone of isolation and the ending of cycles—and a big theme of this zone is exes. Well, there are five planets (including Retrograde) in Aquarius right now, so your ex is probs sending you some very volatile vibes. They’re back for a surprise reappearance, but you don’t know exactly what it is they want from you. Try to assume the best, even if they’re being shady, because if you pop off on them first, it’s likely to blow up in your face. Hit “block” if you want, or if you’re feeling generous, hear them out. Are you going to cut them off for good? Are you going to be friends? FWBs? Do you want to start a new relationship with them? The choice is yours, Pisces.

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